BUSH'S RESUME

George W. BushThe White House1600 Pennsylvania AvenueWashington, DC USA
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE

I ran for Congress and lost.
I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; the company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team, in a sweetheart deal and built a stadium using taxpayer money.
With my father's help and name, I was elected Governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR

I changed pollution laws in favor of the power and oil companies and made TX the most polluted state in the US. And replaced Houston over L.A. as the most smog-ridden city in America.
Cut taxes and bankrupted TX government to the tune of billions of dollars in borrowed money.
I set the record for most executions by a Governor in US history.
I became US President after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes with the help of major Enron money and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.

PRESIDENTIAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS

I attacked and overtook two countries at the expense of countless lives.
I spent the US surplus and bankrupted the US Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in US history.
I set an economic record for private bankruptcies in any 12-month period.
I set the all time record for the biggest drop in history of the US stock market.
I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
I set the record for most days on vacation in any one year.
After taking the entire month of August off, I presided over the worst security failure in US history.
I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a US president.
I set the records for the least amount of press conferences of any president since the advent of television.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to intervene when oil industry corruption was revealed.
I have cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
I set the all time record for the largest number of people worldwide to protest my policies in public venues (15 million) shattering the record for protest against anyone in world history.
I have dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
I have made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.
I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any country in history.
I am the first president to order a preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation, and besides that I did so against the will of the United Nations.
I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, morethan any president in the US.
I am the first president to have the UN remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the US from the World Court.
I refused to allow inspectors access to prisoners of war and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the all-time US and world record-holder for receiving the largest corporate campaign donations.
My largest campaign contributor and one of my best friends, Ken Lay, former CEO of Enron, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in US history.
My political party used the Enron Private jets and their corporate attorneys to assure my success with the Supreme Court during the 2000 election.
I am the first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
In the past 18 months since the World Trade Center attack, I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in US history.
In a little over two years, I have created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided since the Civil War.
I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and have turned every single economic category downward, all in less than two years.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES

I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine. And my Texas driving record has been erased and is unavailable.
I was AWOL from the National Guard during the Vietnam War.
I refuse to take a drug test or answer any questions about drug use.
All records or minutes from meetings I, or my vice-president, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable to the public.
These are just a few of my accomplishments as President, for inquiries anymore information, my father can be reached at the Carlyle Group offices, where he and James Baker are helping to divide up the spoils of the US-Iraq War and planning for the next assault.