Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...

Layla Anwar, An Arab Woman Blues

...The only sentence I found that is probably as close as to what I need to express, came from a mail I received from a fellow Iraqi and this is what he had to say: "Since March 19, 2003 I am a shadow of my former self. The past four years have changed me forever." Another mail tells me the same thing using slightly different wordings: "I no longer recognize myself, I am beside myself..." Simple powerful sentences that reveal something deep and true...It sounds as if that former Self that one knows or has gotten used to has also been invaded and occupied...changed forever. It sounds as if this is no longer my country, this is no longer my home, this is no longer my self... I am no longer myself. I am shadow of me as if someone else or something else took over and I am standing by the sides watching it all and I no longer recognize anything... It goes beyond bewilderment, amazement, stupefaction, or shock...It is worse. It is estrangement from one's self. We have become strangers to ourselves, strangers to one another, strangers to society, strangers to the group and strangers within...beside ourselves. And am still trying to find the words...the right words...that inner truth that will convey to you the exactness...

continua / continued