VATICAN CITY
- In a turn of events that stunned Vatican officials, U.S. President George W. Bush has been named to succeed John Paul II as the next leader of the Catholic Church.
For the first time in history, the College of Cardinals employed electronic voting machines to select the next Supreme Pontiff.
Bush won by a margin of 2,528 votes,despite the fact that only 115 Cardinals took part in the process. The machines, which were last used in the 2004 Ohio presidential election, also registered minus 27 votes for Democratic candidate John Kerry.
"It's a miracle!" cried Kenneth Blackwell, spokesperson for voting machine manufacturer Diebold Corporation.
"God has spoken.
"Supporters of Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, whom early exit polls had leading by a comfortable marginin the voting, demanded a recount.
But Blackwell said the voting machines, which had been modified to emit a plume of white smoke when a plurality was reached, are unable to produce a paper audit trail, rendering a recount impossible.
When informed of his victory, President Bush expressed surprise. "I was not aware I was running for the popecy," he said.
"I wish people would tell me these things."However, he added that he would be "honored and privileged to serve as Supreme Pontoon for the rest of my natural life, or until I die, whichever comes first.
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I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me.
We could all use a little more calm in our lives.
By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.
Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Godiva Chocolates.
You have no idea how friggin' good I feel.
Please pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
- In a turn of events that stunned Vatican officials, U.S. President George W. Bush has been named to succeed John Paul II as the next leader of the Catholic Church.
For the first time in history, the College of Cardinals employed electronic voting machines to select the next Supreme Pontiff.
Bush won by a margin of 2,528 votes,despite the fact that only 115 Cardinals took part in the process. The machines, which were last used in the 2004 Ohio presidential election, also registered minus 27 votes for Democratic candidate John Kerry.
"It's a miracle!" cried Kenneth Blackwell, spokesperson for voting machine manufacturer Diebold Corporation.
"God has spoken.
"Supporters of Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, whom early exit polls had leading by a comfortable marginin the voting, demanded a recount.
But Blackwell said the voting machines, which had been modified to emit a plume of white smoke when a plurality was reached, are unable to produce a paper audit trail, rendering a recount impossible.
When informed of his victory, President Bush expressed surprise. "I was not aware I was running for the popecy," he said.
"I wish people would tell me these things."However, he added that he would be "honored and privileged to serve as Supreme Pontoon for the rest of my natural life, or until I die, whichever comes first.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me.
We could all use a little more calm in our lives.
By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.
Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Godiva Chocolates.
You have no idea how friggin' good I feel.
Please pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
posted by Kangaroo Brisbane Australia at 12:12 AM
1 Comments:
i didnt know i was running for the PAPACY HARHARHARHARHARHAR
Thats a good one.
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